This post doesn’t have any real substance, so please free to continue wasting your time through more exciting means… Oh look! There’s an ants nest and a magnifying glass, now run along and have fun… If you’re still reading, all I have to share is a mildly humorous (only MILD dammit don’t get your hopes up!) story from my weekend…

Saturday I was working at Springfield Lakes again on a joint venture sure to make the ASX 100 list (another story).. Now this is a long drive for someone who lives in one of the Brisbane City Councils northern most suburbs! It’s also the first time I’ve been out their since getting the GPS thing-oh-ma-jig… So even though a knew how to get their I thought I’d see if it could find me a faster route! Plus the novelty still hasn’t worn off – picture me asking it for directions to the corner shop.. Haha!

For those of you who are ‘out of touch’, it knows where you are via satellites (Ohhh, Ahhh..). You can give the thing-oh-ma-jig an address, and it works out a route to your destination, then directs you as you drive. For example “Turn left in 800 metres”, “Cross the round about”, “Turn right at the end of the road”, “Watch out for the cat!!” etc… Anyway, it usually asks when establishing a route whether it should avoid toll roads or not. I’ve always said they’re okay, as if I’d drive through the city just to get to the other side of the Gateway bridge!

So on the Saturday I said go for it don’t bother avoiding tolls…

In hindsight, how the funk was I suppose to know Brisbane had SOO many toll roads – 3 in total for a 50 minute drive… I swear it went looking for tolls as though it was some ‘tourist drive’, really popular destination with all our international visitors I bet “Brisbane Tolls”.. Admittedly it was an easier drive highways all the way, but its was longer in distance and took about the same length of time as my normal route!

On the way home I decided to go the way I normally do… I let the GPS know where I was going anyway just too see what directions it would give me.. It will continually recalculate the route if it notices you’re going a different way from what it suggested…

So I start driving home my normal way along and its telling me to do a u-turn, ON A HIGHWAY.. What do I look like a stunt driver in some American police chase scene?! Sure let me just rip on the hand brake pull of a 180 degree maneuver, Okay that part is easy.. its avoiding be hit by the trucks coming from the opposite direction that worried me!

So I ignored the directions and waited for it to recalculate another route.. For the next 10 mins it kept saying aloud only the one word “IMPOSSIBLE“… Like what tha!? I’m on a highway, heading north, the way I would normally drive home! How can it NOT be possible to calculate a route home… An just moments before it want me to head south along the highway, which would be heading in the wrong general direction…

Not to mention I was that I was on the same highway it had brought me along just that morning!! Perhaps it had other Tolls it wanted to be see else where! Hahaha..

One hilarious story from the weekend wasn’t mine to tell but I’m going to share it anyway! One of my friends drove up to Rainbow Beach by himself on Saturday morning… Armed with his trusted GPS Guidance ‘thingy’… Following its every instruction, he ended up following the path less travelled… As in NOT the sealed highways and main roads the rest of us took…He travelled through a number of small towns and eventually was instructed to turn on to a dirt track. The instruction was followed by a note that the track should only be used by experienced 4WD owners in the wet season. He was driving a new Commodore… Oh and did I mention it was raining the past few days and the night before?

Apparently the track wasn’t too bad initially.. But then the car started bottoming out a lot while driving through the deep 4WD ruts… The rain had also left a lot of areas of lose mud which meant that he had to keep the throttle open powering through it, chewing up path for fear for getting stuck…

Apparently he passed a group of 4WD owners on the track… who, impressed by his determination to get through the obvious unsuitable conditions for his car, cheered him on as though it was a Aussie Battler!! Some passing trail bike riders gave him a applauding wave as well…

At one point he said he was contemplating turning back, although there was apparently no easy way to turn around, and he’d gotten quite some distance already… However he zoomed out on his GPS map to find that the beach wasn’t too far away, apparently ONLY 19 klms… Hahaha!

End result was a two toned car – top half black, bottom half red… a thick layer of red clay decorating the wheel arches! But apparently he made better time than the rest of us? It would seem that when you tell a GPS Unit to find the shortest or fastest route it really does! Hahahaha…

I’ll upload photos of the car soon!

Friday afternoon I knocked off earlier to join a road trip (or convoy? there was 4 car loads, with another 3 either ahead or behind us) to Rainbow Beach. Rainbow Beach is a quiet little town about 2.5 – 3 hours drive north of Brisbane, near Gympie. We had hired out 4 cabin in it Caravan Park for the weekend.

Check out the 250+ photos to see:

• Body boarding down sand dunes (aka mountains),
• Carlo Sand Blow (16 hectares of sand mountains),
• Inskip Point (with skiing behind a 4WD! Haha..),
• Back streets back to Brisbane (aka forest 4WD tracks, along the beach),
• Fresh Water Lake (which was DRY!!)
• Red Canyon!

I’ll upload more photos from the trip later…

My weekend was so-so… I spent about $80 on cleaning product for my car, then spent like 7.5 hours cleaning it! From 2:00 pm until 9:30 pm… I guess that’s what happens when you service your car more frequently than you wash it… Haha! Yeerp, I think its about coming up to its 100 000 kilometre wash! Haha… I don’t know, the things boys go out of their way to do to impress girls… LOL

But get this I stayed at home on the weekend and cleaned my car, partly because I quit smoking… Because if I had gone out drinking I would have been too tempted to smoke as well… So anyway, I’m cleaning all of the rubbish out of my car and I come across a packet of smokes with 3 left!!

My immediate reaction was to tip them out in to the bag of rubbish, but one tempting little bugger stayed in the packet… So for the next 5 mins (or what seemed like perhaps longer) I sat there, just staring at this cigarette… I ended up deciding to let fate/chance decide for me so it was the best out of 3 flips of a coins…

First flip I called Heads, and it landed on Heads
Second flip I called Tails, and it landed on Heads
Third flip, the decider, I called Heads, and it landed on Tails.

Fate was against me having the cigarette.. so I smoked it anyway! Haha… But I’m back on a righteous path now, praise the lord.. I said praise the lord… Can I get an amen!?! ;)

Went to the Family (Brisbane mega-club) the other weekend with Heidi, who was tearing up the dance floor, but that’s a different story… I was having yet another sober night out in a recent string of sober weekends that I finally broke the other week (in dishonorable style I might add.. Hehe) with Becca and Joanne, but thats also another story.. as is the girls putting ice in their mouths and licking all over each others bodies (probably not a story I’ll be share the photos of either!)…

Now the Family is a dance club known for its high profile international DJ’s, multiple levels, million dollar sound system*, with lasers and strobe lights galore… Which brings me to the point of this post.. These strobe lights are bright and aren’t easy on the eye, not that any are but with how many there are it doesn’t get any better. Then again the flood lights they periodically flick on are probably worse on the eyes. You know the type, the ones they use in football stadium! Ample incandescence to light the dance floor, make you step back, cover your eyes, and think these people are all far too ugly to be shown in this kind of light :P

I was standing on the edge of the dance floor catching my breath and checking out the punters.. When I heard a glass hit the floor directly beside me I turn to find the girl who’d been standing next to me was on the ground looking like she was in pain! My immediate though was someone dropped a glass from the upper balcony which hit her… I was leaning down to see if she was okay when the strobes briefly did what they do best. It was right then I realised her eyes were rolled back in her head and her whole body was frantically shaking.

She was having a seizure…

I looked up to find a glassy had notice this as well, who quickly I sent to grab a bouncer… I had a brief moment to make sure her head was hitting the step that she’d obviously already hit on the way down, possibly in addition to a hand rail… When some trippers from the dance floor jumped in an amateurishly performed CPR cause apparently in the medical soap operas they watch, this solves everything…

Within moment a handful of bouncers arrived, her seizures had stopped by this point I should mention.. The bouncers careless dragged her to some upper level, presumably before any of the other partons noticed and got upset by the scene… Now lets not be coy a lot of the Family partons use illicit drugs to ‘have a good time’ so a scene like this isn’t good for business..

I speculate she was taken to some room hidden from public view.. It was disappointing to find no ambulance waiting outside when we left moments later either (definitely put a damper on the night, and more selflessly hers! Poor girl..). an incident like this happening in your club would help you retain you Liquor License I imagine..

Although I genuinely believe she was having an epileptic fit after having done a little research also the strobes had just gone of moments before (flashing light being the most common trigger in epilepsy)… I made a point to tell a number of bouncers my thoughts on the way out as I was probably the only sober person nearby to see she was actually having a seizure.. rather than just another girl OD-ing in a dance club…

Reality check… Be safe people!

* Exact prices listed may not bear any resemblance to actually cost, prices may in instances be used merely as colourful adjectives.

Thursday night just gone I decided to go out clubbing, mainly just because I could, but also because a friend Heidi has been trying to set me up with one of her girlfriends. Whom aside from being attractive, petite, and having the flexibility you’d expect of a dancer, I didn’t know from a bar of soap…

Most of the night I actually spent catching up with Heidi who’s leaving Brisbane soon, so I didn’t really get a chance to get to know this girl anyway.. Plus when a few of the boys turned up the night just turned in to running a muck instead.

But none of this has been the point to this post, so thanks for bearing with me for a few minutes.. Hehe

The ugly lights come on, the clubs closing, and they’re playing a few of those dodgy old one hit wonders you can’t resist but grab the ‘air microphone’ and sing too… Then I realise I’m not the only weirdo doing this, so is a tall blonde with an a perfect hourglass figure and a face 2 centuries worth of sculptors could only dream of creating.. Perhaps a better analogy would have been something straight out of a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, perhaps even the cover?

Anyway she’s getting the same bewildered looks from the swarm of guys that were surrounding her, that some of my friends were giving me (well those sober enough to notice).. Come to analyse (or stereotype) it, the guys have probably been hovering around her all night like vultures hoping for some scraps of attention…

Where was I.. Ohh yes.. Closing time. Anyway the music had stopped and I’m hovering around my circle of friends waiting for the drunks to realise it was time to go… Strange it seems that bright lights and no music at this time of the night aren’t much a hint.

It was about this point Victoria’s Secret steps in front of me and says “We’re going to the Pancake Cafe, would you like to come?”… After much deliberation and biding farewell some friends quickly we were on a merry way..

In the space of the 30 minutes or so while sitting down to eat, Victoria’s Secret managed to irritate me that much, that after leaving the building, without bothering to exchange numbers or any waste time with lengthy goodbyes I just said “Catch ya around..” and walked in the opposite direction. Despite the earlier first impression I was later left with, more suitable phrases/words such as “High maintenance, pompous, pretentious, self absorbed, unempathetic, inconsiderate…”

Hence this posts subject.. Either I’ve evolved as a human completely disregarding her perfect physical form, or perhaps the troubling personality just far out weighed this! But the more likely self analysis is I’m just too old to put up with SHIT like this…

Stay tunned for Black leather, Seizures, Handstands, and broken TAG watches… Hehe.. No serrious I have stories for each!