Wallowing in the shadow of a past life, as a future I’d imagined crumbles down around me. The world seems less familiar, less hospitable, less bearable without her. A dull pain slowly seeps through my veins all too familiar and gnawing at my core. I thought I was tougher than this, that everything could be blocked out, that things wouldn’t affect me, that experience would make life easier…

Memories once the bearer of silent smile and an inner warmth that made life a better place, now serve only as a reminder of my loss. Such empathy she had, which healed those upsetting moments so swiftly, with just a few silly words and a cheeky grin, keeping my world in balance and bringing meaning back to life. Reading me like a book when sometimes even I lack my own clarity to understand. A smile that could brighten any face, and a figure that could make any eyes wander in its direction.

Such excitement and passion for life that one can’t help but get involved and easily get lost in her moment. With a rare playful personality too perfect for mere words which couldn’t do it justice. Once lavished with such cherished attention and complete acceptance it would only be found in a film. Or just curled up on my lap asleep watched closely with a gaze of admiration wondering how I was so lucky to ever make it here.

She was and meant all these things to me, but little did she know… but likely neither I until now, when it seems so long ago…

We were staying at Coolangatta on the weekend and were down at the pool… And here was this lizard camped edge of the pool in one corner just a few centimetres from the water… I was in the pool tormenting it splashing it from and stuff… as you do… a little while later, after I’d given up, it dived in the pool!!!

I decided to jump out promptly at this point.. just cause I was getting a bit cold, you know ;)

But anyway… The lizard swims through the water over to the pools skimmer box and goes in! Turns out this guy has it made… He lays by the pool all day soaking up some rays, and occasionally goes for a dip and in to the skimmer box to grab all the insects it’s caught!

I don’t know that I’m a fan of these Steve Irwin Halloween costumes. Basically the same as South Parks Steve Irwin character that cause some recent controversy – A khaki outfit with a Stingray barb out the chest (or the whole stingray in south parks case)! Apparently its been a popular item this Halloween in the bowels of earth (aka US), with some C class celebrity I haven’t even heard of wearing it out as well…

Just a little too soon I think! Now I’m not your average person in that, in most cases I don’t think death needs to be something people should tread lightly around.. Sure… Hate crimes.. Child or Teenage deaths through accidents.. Death caused by deranged individuals… or as the result of sexual predators… These however are all sensitive topics, which I wouldn’t be joking about often.. I’d be far more empathetic.. or enraged in some cases…

But being more of a realist – Death is inevitable were all going to meet him one day, lets just hope before then we’ve live long enough to have considered life worthwhile. If I died in some strange bungee accident tomorrow involving a crocodile and circus clown on a unicycle, I’d be happy to have the video of it widely publicised… Or even have jokes made about it… I’ve live a good life and I’m not afraid of death but not looking forward to it either :P

I’d prefer to know some people are laughing about it not just mourning… “The man died like he lived diving in to uncertainty laughing like a clown completely ignoring the signs (care crocodiles below)”…

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not a completely unsympathetic bastard, I think there could be a little more time allowed before treating the mans death so casually. If I were family sure I’d be upset about the ordeal, but he died doing what he loved and he achieved an awful lot more than the average man in one life time, who wouldn’t be satisfied with a life like that, even if it was shorter than expected!

At some point you have to realise if you can’t laugh at death, how can you truly laugh wholly at life!

Indy was great… But I didn’t go out drinking any of the nights though, was just too buggered from the days! Would have love to have but would have meant staying with the boys for the Saturday night and I had a birthday party in Brisbane I though I should make an appearance at… Wasn’t too keen on staying with the boys either… 6 people to a 1 or 2 bedroom apparently sounds a little too cosey for me!! Hehe

As for Indy flashers everyone keeps asking me about.. yes another plentiful year! One girl was walking around the track by herself, got flashed by her on two consecutive days… given the odd’s of even seeing her again, but instead seeing the unveiling twice as well, I was surprised they weren’t more tanned! Haaha! Plenty of others on balconies all over the place, funniest was actually standing outside a building a mate was staying in, with a crowd of about 200 blokes all looking up… All of whom were chanting “pink shirt, pink shirt” etc… until the girl revealed something… then changing to a different color shirt in some other window… This happened for ages with 3 girls repeatedly flashing the boys! Haha… One revealing more than just the top half as well… Later that evening when up in a mates unit having dinner, a unit across the way had hired a full show WITH toys, no not lego’s… Hahahaha! Was hilarious..Was going to drive home on Saturday morning. Woke up to a sms from a mate who’d made it to the gold coast but the couldn’t get a hold of the guy he was suppose to be going in to Indy with… So we ended up going in for the afternoon and taking a lot more photos (especially since I wasn’t working Saturday!!).. He has an awesome semi professional camera too, had a nice zoom too which came in handy!

Many many more funny little stories I’ll have to remember, and share! One such story was a bloke sitting on a deck chair on top of a van, dangling a makeshift fishing rod down over a high traffic pedestrian path.. it had a lollipop attached to the end ;) Hahaha! So something I’d do…Special thanks to Michelle and Sul for putting me up for a few nights!

For those of you who told, and those I didn’t, I applied for an A06 job at work about 4 months ago.. I got in for an interview about a month ago.. Just today I found out that I was the preferred applicant… The job will be official as soon as its all signed off! About 10G’s more a year and some added stress :S

Now there is just the hassle of finding someone to fill my old position… which I imagine I’ll be looking after as well until then ;)

Some advice in a ‘reply’ to a mate on love after he was mysteriously ditched by his girlfriend of 3 or so years… A couple whose relationship I had once hope to aspired to…

Dude you needn’t tell me love sucks… I’ve been a devout advocate supporter of that campaign for quite sometime! It seems to be one of those evil emotions put on earth just so god, or for some global scale candid camera show (perhaps orchestrate by aliens? Hehe)… can have a laugh at our expense!!…

For far back as I can remember every chick I’ve loved hasn’t in return, or have just been unsure, noncommittal, or changes their mind (could be worse, some of them thought monogamy meant getting as much wood as possible…? maybe the dumb #@$% have just been confusing it with mahogany? Haha!)…

But to make this evil emotion even more suitable for prime time comedy hour it gets better! Hehe.. No, wait for it.. Hehe.. (picture crazy laughter from some failed comedian).. For those girls whom I genuinely believed loved me I couldn’t bring myself to love them in return..

I swear on some chemical or scientific level love is like magnetic north and south poles… Never seem to wanna be attracted to each other :( Anyways enough useless rambling…!

And although this saying won’t help… Or its least its never helped me, despite to the numerous instances where I’ve been up shit creek, without the canoe, and wanted to believe in this saying so badly at the time… “Life’s to important to take seriously”

Need anything, its yours!

I’m in the process of making enquiries to venues, mostly nightclubs, looking for a place to host my 25th Birthday in a couple of weeks time. My first port of call was the GPO because it’s close to everything else, and has the type of atmosphere suitable for a pre-drinks/early evening gathering which was all I was looking for.

The GPO responded saying most areas were only available until 9:00 or 10:00 pm after which the public was allowed in. And they don’t hire the rooms as such, like they use to ‘back in the day’, but instead have a Minimum Spend on drinks/food packages. The areas I was looking at were $1500… affordable, but whom aside from those hosting corporate functions could be bothered spending that much…

So I responded with…

Hi Helen,

Many thanks for the information!

Are the minimum spend figures negotiable? I wouldn’t have thought I could put a price on seeing my friends enjoy themselves for my birthday, but here we are ;) Hehe.

Cheers,
Grant

And received…

Dear Grant,

Unfortunately our Minimum Spend is non-negotiable. I apologise for this but my hands are quite tied.

Hopefully we can still work something out.

Sincerely
Helen

Soo any suggestions let me know!? Others have said Chalk Hotel, Empire, Family, Monastery… We’ll see I’ve a blinder planned for this weekend so I’ll do some investigations ;)

I’m gettting older and its apparently a reason to celebrate… I don’t see the big fush personally but who am I to pass up an excuse to get smashed break some glasses, kiss a few randoms the wonder why I’m only wearing one shoe and a clown nose when I wake up…

Below is some advice, drawn from a humorous self-insight, which I gave to a friend (she knows who she is!) who has been unsuccessfully job hunting of late.

You know why I’ve such a large ego? The same reason I’ve consistently remained single for lengthy periods between serious relationships… I don’t go out of my way to meet chicks, I don’t put myself out there on the line and try to pick them up, so its only very rarely I every meet a girl who sparks enough interest from me to do something about it (not to mention historically they’ve always made the first move)… And hence I’m never turned down, never let down, and never taught the difference between reality and my little imaginary world I live in where I AM GOD.

Now the question I put to you is would you rather get a few ‘let downs’ before getting the job you want? And perhaps through this experience potentially gain some more experience? I know I’m trying to change my ways!

Don’t forget the saying “It’s better to have tried & failed, then to have never tried at all…”

Although back to my ego, it could arguable be the cause (of bachelorhood), not just a similar effect of my disassociation from ‘reality’ :P Haha!

Went to the Family (Brisbane mega-club) the other weekend with Heidi, who was tearing up the dance floor, but that’s a different story… I was having yet another sober night out in a recent string of sober weekends that I finally broke the other week (in dishonorable style I might add.. Hehe) with Becca and Joanne, but thats also another story.. as is the girls putting ice in their mouths and licking all over each others bodies (probably not a story I’ll be share the photos of either!)…

Now the Family is a dance club known for its high profile international DJ’s, multiple levels, million dollar sound system*, with lasers and strobe lights galore… Which brings me to the point of this post.. These strobe lights are bright and aren’t easy on the eye, not that any are but with how many there are it doesn’t get any better. Then again the flood lights they periodically flick on are probably worse on the eyes. You know the type, the ones they use in football stadium! Ample incandescence to light the dance floor, make you step back, cover your eyes, and think these people are all far too ugly to be shown in this kind of light :P

I was standing on the edge of the dance floor catching my breath and checking out the punters.. When I heard a glass hit the floor directly beside me I turn to find the girl who’d been standing next to me was on the ground looking like she was in pain! My immediate though was someone dropped a glass from the upper balcony which hit her… I was leaning down to see if she was okay when the strobes briefly did what they do best. It was right then I realised her eyes were rolled back in her head and her whole body was frantically shaking.

She was having a seizure…

I looked up to find a glassy had notice this as well, who quickly I sent to grab a bouncer… I had a brief moment to make sure her head was hitting the step that she’d obviously already hit on the way down, possibly in addition to a hand rail… When some trippers from the dance floor jumped in an amateurishly performed CPR cause apparently in the medical soap operas they watch, this solves everything…

Within moment a handful of bouncers arrived, her seizures had stopped by this point I should mention.. The bouncers careless dragged her to some upper level, presumably before any of the other partons noticed and got upset by the scene… Now lets not be coy a lot of the Family partons use illicit drugs to ‘have a good time’ so a scene like this isn’t good for business..

I speculate she was taken to some room hidden from public view.. It was disappointing to find no ambulance waiting outside when we left moments later either (definitely put a damper on the night, and more selflessly hers! Poor girl..). an incident like this happening in your club would help you retain you Liquor License I imagine..

Although I genuinely believe she was having an epileptic fit after having done a little research also the strobes had just gone of moments before (flashing light being the most common trigger in epilepsy)… I made a point to tell a number of bouncers my thoughts on the way out as I was probably the only sober person nearby to see she was actually having a seizure.. rather than just another girl OD-ing in a dance club…

Reality check… Be safe people!

* Exact prices listed may not bear any resemblance to actually cost, prices may in instances be used merely as colourful adjectives.