Wallowing in the shadow of a past life, as a future I’d imagined crumbles down around me. The world seems less familiar, less hospitable, less bearable without her. A dull pain slowly seeps through my veins all too familiar and gnawing at my core. I thought I was tougher than this, that everything could be blocked out, that things wouldn’t affect me, that experience would make life easier…

Memories once the bearer of silent smile and an inner warmth that made life a better place, now serve only as a reminder of my loss. Such empathy she had, which healed those upsetting moments so swiftly, with just a few silly words and a cheeky grin, keeping my world in balance and bringing meaning back to life. Reading me like a book when sometimes even I lack my own clarity to understand. A smile that could brighten any face, and a figure that could make any eyes wander in its direction.

Such excitement and passion for life that one can’t help but get involved and easily get lost in her moment. With a rare playful personality too perfect for mere words which couldn’t do it justice. Once lavished with such cherished attention and complete acceptance it would only be found in a film. Or just curled up on my lap asleep watched closely with a gaze of admiration wondering how I was so lucky to ever make it here.

She was and meant all these things to me, but little did she know… but likely neither I until now, when it seems so long ago…